It’s amazing how many people – both women AND men – have difficulty saying wonderful and positive things about themselves. But we’re quick to say something negative… about our bodies, our challenges with life, or the way we think and act.We don’t start out this way, though. When we’re kids, we KNOW we’re great singers, as we dance around singing at the top of our lungs, regardless of how it may sound to the adults around us. Back then, we imagined we were kings and queens, standing tall with our little chests poking out. I still remember my little brother tying a towel around his neck, pretending to be a superhero, as he smashed through the screen in the porch door (lol – that was hilarious!). It was wonderful to feel wonderful when we were little!

But as we grow up, some of the negative things we hear about ourselves from family members, or that we’re taught through our religious affiliations, or what we learn in school from other children affects how we feel about our bodies, sexuality, and life choices. What we watch on television, in the movies, and read in magazines subliminally adds to the self-sabotage, because we may not see ourselves as beautiful, smart, or strong as the people depicted.

Depending on our culture, we may even be taught that being confident and saying positive things about ourselves is bad – not humble enough, it’s bragging on yourself, or showing off. For some of us, being appropriately humble means not tooting your own horn or dimming your light.By the time we’re adults and living on our own, we don’t have to hear negative messages from people outside of us… we hear it inside our head, in our own voice. “I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good with numbers and finance. I’m not as strong as you are. I don’t have a degree for that, so I can’t do it. I don’t communicate well. I hate my belly/breasts/butt/legs/face/hair/feet/thighs/knees/hands…” The list goes on and on and on.Now, it’s time to change these negative thoughts, self-talk, and the unpleasant vibrations that go with them. Here’s how to start:

• Pay attention. Start by recognizing any self-sabotaging words or thoughts going on in your head throughout the day. Ask yourself where the thoughts and words came from. Why do I feel and think the way I do? Is it really right to think and feel this way?

• Start small. One thing at a time. Choose ONE negative thought or phrase and find a positive spin for it. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good with money.” Try saying, “I’m getting better with saving money every month.” Catch yourself every time you’re about to say the negative phrase, and replace it with the positive version. This may sound simple, but it makes a big difference when it’s repeated AND your actions match your words.

• Find things you do well and start to share it with others in a confident and courageous way. There’s a difference between arrogance and confidence. Find the balance and allow yourself to shine. It might feel funny or awkward at first, but keep trying until you find the perfect way to convey your message, gifts, talents, and strength.

• Surround yourself with other confident, happy people. They have enough light of their own to allow yours to shine bright, too. In fact, they’ll be your biggest cheerleaders and promoters – even when you’re still a little scared to promote yourself.

• Spend some time alone getting to know and like yourself. Take a trip for a day or two by yourself. Eat what you want, watch what you want at the movies or on television, listen to your favorite songs and sing along – loudly, dance by yourself. Be your own best friend for a couple of days.

I love myself and I hope you do too! Peace and light…

Where the Heck is Bali?

I’m not gonna lie… I had no idea where Bali was when I started planning my trip. A quick Google search taught me it is one of multiple islands that make up the country of Indonesia in Southeast Asia. In fact, it’s only a short 3-hour flight from Bali’s international airport in Denpensar to Australia!  

Sometimes it’s love-at-first-sight. But honestly, that wasn’t the case with my first impression of this island province. In my imagination, Bali was a magical island of beautiful beaches and quiet temples with quirky monks like in the movie, Eat, Pray, Love.

Instead, I was met with a barrage of taxi-drivers offering to take me to every possible tourist destination on the island, followed immediately by a two-hour drive in bumper-to-bumper traffic to Ubud, the popular city in the southern center of the island. Once we reached Ubud, there were Ralph Lauren Polo boutiques literally on every corner and stores hawking every yoga-related item I could ever imagine. Had I made a mistake coming here, I wondered. Had yoga tourism taken over the spirituality of this place?

I walked the crowded streets of Ubud, jostling for space amid the throng of Australian and American tourists, wondering where was the peace? Where were the temples with meditating priests? How the hell am I going to cross this crowded street of non-stop traffic to get to the other side?

But then I stopped. I stopped critiquing, criticizing, and internally complaining. I literally stopped right where I was on the busy main street and turned down a narrow side street. The noise and the crowd slowly fell away. And I could hear… chimes and praying. I could smell… incense burning from multiple altars along the road. I could see… ornate and decorative doors leading to Balinese family compounds and temples. I could feel… comfort, ease, acceptance and belonging.

After several days, I’d visited in family compounds and eaten delicious traditional meals. I’d ridden a scooter for miles through busy streets, quiet rice paddies, and on the beach. I’d meditated, burned incense, and made offerings at altars throughout the city. I’d observed full-moon prayer ceremonies and dances. I’d made Balinese friends that are now like family.

I fell in love with Bali. Not love-at-first-sight love. But the gradual love of seeing deeper than what’s on the surface. Now I’m sharing my love, experiences, and family friends with others.

Join me for my Bali Culture & Healing Retreat September 15 – 21. It will be seven days of amazing self exploration and renewal in a phenomenally unique cultural place. Register at bit.ly/baliwithalthea

When I was in elementary and middle school, my family moved several times – from one state to another, one city to another, one timezone to another. The communities were so vastly different from each other, it often felt like being in a different country with each move. Several years living in Houston and Orlando with summers spent visiting family in the Bronx offered so much international diversity, it never occurred to me that I would ever need to leave the borders of the US.

The opportunity presented itself when I was seventeen and graduating from high school. Knowing my graduating peers would be drinking, smoking and more on the scheduled senior class trip, I decided to pass on it and plan my own event. I booked a cruise to Mexico for interested classmates, my friends from other high schools, and our families – almost 40 people! I set up payment plans for everyone, and my mother helped me open a business bank account. Since I hadn’t turned 18 yet, I wasn’t legally able to open the account alone.

We worked with the cruise travel agent to make deposits on cabins, arrange dinner seating, and plan excursions. The summer of 1988 was my first international trip to Cozumel, Mexico… and the first Althea Retreat!

We have been trained and conditioned to believe that we’re supposed to strive to have it all – happy family, high-paying career, fit body, clean orderly home, great social life, regular hot sex – all at the same time. But what happens when the plan for perfection doesn’t quite work out as we imagined it?

Job loss, the end of a relationship, illness, closing a business, losing a loved one… real-life occurrences like these can lead to feelings of frustration, failure, depression, and anxiety that affect every area of our lives.

These negative feelings and emotions may lead to issues like insomnia, emotional overeating, physical ailments, or an inability to concentrate and complete tasks.

When we go through these unpleasant seasons, we feel like we’re the only ones. We don’t know that others around us are also living life and going through a storm that may be affecting their health, finances, family, or relationships.

What can we do to make it better?

Tip #1: Stop Comparing
Social media has its benefits. It’s wonderful for finding old classmates and staying up-to-date with relatives and friends. But profile updates of someone’s new baby when you’ve just had a miscarriage, or reading a post about a friend’s job promotion when you’ve just been laid off can be challenging for even the strongest person.

Stop judging and self-comparing. We each have separate journeys with lessons to learn and gifts to share. You don’t ever really know what’s going on in another person’s life. Take a break from social media and use that time to do something more productive and constructive for yourself.

Tip #2: Change Your Routine
Repeating the same routine day after day lulls the brain into auto-drive, restricts your creative flow, and inhibits possibilities for new opportunities.

Change. Anything. Research indicates that you can stimulate your brain simply by revising your daily routine or spending time in a place unfamiliar to you. Change can be free, easy, and just the boost you need to affect every aspect of your life.

Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand, drive a unique route home, go to a different grocery store than you normally shop in, speak to a stranger while waiting in line, sleep naked if you always wear pajamas. Lots of small changes can add up to powerful, positive shifts in your mood.

Tip #3: Take Your Time
Most of us have been conditioned since childhood to aspire to the perfect life. Whether we were told by parents, learned it in our community, or observed it on television and in magazines, our society has trained us to strive to be the best… at everything.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting it all and going for it. But life isn’t a race. Each success has its time to be savored and enjoyed. All of your wins don’t have to come at once. Focus on what’s most important to you today for a fruitful harvest in the future.

I felt it. A hard lump in my left breast that hadn’t been there a few months before.

I’d had a breast scare in 2011 after a mammogram and ultrasound found a mass. After a needle biopsy, it was diagnosed benign and I began annual checkups. In 2016, my first clear, benign cyst appeared in the other breast… and time moved on.

But now, I could feel more than one and what I felt was firm and a bit uncomfortable. This was different.

A month later, I was at Dekalb Medical Center for a 3d mammogram and ultrasound. I was able to clearly see ALL SIX cysts that had developed in the one year since the first one was diagnosed just fourteen months before. And, sure enough, what I felt was correct. Two of the cysts were large and cloudy/grainy on the ultrasound screen. I knew it wasn’t good even before the technician began typing cryptic notes on the screen highlighting my new fibrocystic breast.

So I was prepared when the doctor reviewed my screening and indicated a need to schedule a biopsy of the two fibrous cysts. But I had just completed the self-healing process of my torn achilles tendon a month earlier, and I knew I could self-heal this too.

First, I called my friends and aunt who had recently been through the full breast cancer process. Armed with knowledge about the process, I began researching breast healthy foods and what to avoid. That very day I fasted, and the next day I only consumed green food smoothies. From flaxseed to edamame, Brussel sprouts to broccoli, I increased my intake of healthy foods and eliminated sugars and starches. I improved the intensity of my exercise and added days per week to the routine. During my daily meditation, I focused on creating healing energy and sent loving messages to my breasts throughout every day. I stayed positive, going about my daily activities like nothing had changed in my world.

On July 6, three weeks after the ultrasound and 3d mammogram, I went back to Dekalb Medical, prepared for the needle biopsy, but in very good and high spirits. As the technician began the ultrasound to pinpoint the area for the needle stick, I noticed the cysts looked different on the screen. I thought it was just my unpracticed eye not detecting the correct cysts. But a few minutes later, the technician excused herself, and came back with the surgeon. They conferred for a few moments, looking back and forth between screens with my June 16 film and the current July 6 scan.

Finally, the surgeon removed her gloves and spoke. “Well, whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. These cysts have decreased in size and are completely clear. I’m cancelling the biopsy, and we’ll see you in six months for a follow up.”

It took a few moments for me to fully comprehend what she was saying. She was confirming that my self healing practices had made a difference to my fibrous cysts in only three weeks! I was full of a gratitude and appreciation that was beyond being thankful for the cancelled biopsy. It was an acceptance of  the healing gift and power I’ve always known I had. We all have it, but in the societal norm of pills, prescriptions, and surgeries, we forget our ability to heal ourselves. I truly believe I heal myself by managing my thoughts, the energy I allow around and in me, my food intake, and my daily activity.

Three of my former yoga students and clients are nurses in the Dekalb Medical breast cancer unit. They, along with my husband, were with me every step. I am grateful to the universe for blessing me with love, support and guidance from them and all that sent constant blessings and prayers to me.

Don’t be scared to get checked out. Early detection is the best way to prevent worst-case scenarios.

“Althea, can we make this into a movie?” Keith asked me over tea at our favorite coffee shop.

“Keith, man, what are you talking about? Losing Control just came out last month,” I said in response to my friend, a film producer. I poured honey into my tea and shook my head, dismissing the craziness of his question.

“Okay, okay. It may not be ready for a movie yet, but the way you wrote this book, I can literally see every detail of what’s happening, just like a movie. It’s going to make a great movie.”

I nodded and continued to stir my tea, tasting it to make sure it was sweet enough. In my mind, I had already dismissed the outrageousness Keith was giving me. Seeing that he was losing me, he quickly whipped out his cell phone and pulled up a YouTube clip. As he tapped and swiped the screen, he asked me, “Have you ever heard of a book trailer?”

I sipped my tea, relaxed back into the cushions of the cafe couch and shook my head. He turned the cell phone screen towards me and pushed the play arrow. A short, 60-second “commercial” for a book played out like a movie trailer. At the end, the cover of the book and link for purchasing it popped up on the screen. Keith looked at me expectantly. I looked back at him and nodded with a smile. “That was nice,” I said, since it was obvious he wanted me to say something.

“We could do something like that with Losing Control,” he said, and I could see him already creating scenes in his mind.

He talked, I listened, and I agreed that a book trailer would be a good idea. We left with him thinking we were doing a book trailer, and I not. A few days later, he sent me a text asking for money to hire actors for the book trailer shoot he was setting up in two days. What?! No! I called him immediately, and we debated via text and phone for the next two days. He didn’t understand why we couldn’t do it, and I didn’t understand how he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t ready to do it. In the end, Keith won.

Amazing Thing 1

Keith is sitting in my family room with a little book of pencil-drawn scenes. He’s animatedly describing what would be captured on camera to my husband and me, and I say, “Where are you even planning to do this, Keith? You need an office building downtown.” As soon as I said it, I knew I was about to call my HR contact for United Way Atlanta, one of the corporate locations where I teach meditation and Yoga. My contact asked the building owner and the HR director, and both said yes, we could shoot in and around their location. What?! Yes?!

Amazing Thing 2

I knew I did not have any budget left after editing, publishing, and marketing Losing Control to pay actors for the all-day trailer shoot. So Keith and I started brainstorming people we knew who fit the descriptions of the characters. When I wrote the book, I actually used two people I knew in real life to create the physical characteristics of Jonathan and Zuma. They aren’t in their 30s anymore like the characters in the book, but Keith and I had agreed we weren’t going to get faces or close-up details with this trailer. We only wanted coloring and body types. So I FB messaged my sorority sister from college and texted my God brother, both of whom I used to describe Zuma and Jonathan back in 2002 and who just happen to live in the same city as I do. They both said yes immediately and without hesitation. What?! Yes?!

Amazing Thing 3

The characters of Iris and Rey were important to get right, and I really didn’t have anyone in mind when I created them in my imagination. So Keith and I decided to do an open casting call downtown where there were lots of good-looking, young, twenty-somethings. We went to the casting location at the appointed time and waited two hours. No one showed. We went out on the street corner and watched college students from Georgia State University walk up and down, but no one caught our eye as the perfect Iris or perfect Rey. Two hours later, we locked up and left, dejected. When I arrived home that evening, I had emails, FB messages, and texts with pictures of people who couldn’t make the casting call in person, but still wanted to be considered. We had several women to choose from for Iris and finally found one that was pretty darn close to who I described in the book. I sent her an email to find out if she would do it for free and if she was available on Superbowl Sunday for the filming. She responded yes to both. What?! Yes?!

Amazing Thing 4

So we had Zuma, Iris, and Jonathan covered. What about Rey? Keith and I had found three different guys that all together could be Rey, but individually were not quite right. The one we agreed to go with just wasn’t making me happy. Every time I thought about the project I got a little sad, because Rey is so central to the entire story and the actor’s body was not fitting what I’d described in the book. He couldn’t be wrong, he had to be right. Four days before the shoot, the “Rey” we’d settled for called with bad news – he couldn’t get off work to do the shoot. I sighed and knew the whole thing would be over if we couldn’t find a Rey. Just then, I received a text message from my friend and boot camp instructor, Montrell. I pictured Montrell in my mind. Could Montrell play Rey? He was muscular and the same skin tone as the character I’d described in Losing Control. But I knew Montrell loved football and would probably be busy on Superbowl Sunday. So, I called him and casually asked if he had any plans for the Superbowl.

“No, not really.”

So far, so good. I asked if he’d be interested in bearing his chest, abs, and arms for the book trailer. He said he was planning to ask me if I wanted him to do it. Yes. What?! Yes?!

Amazing Thing 5

Montrell does not have dreadlocks. I drove to different wig shops without luck, and all the ones I found online were either very expensive, super fake looking, or unable to ship within a week. On Thursday night, I finally found a decent looking dreadlock wig that was the proper length on Amazon. Could I get it before Superbowl Sunday? I squeezed one eye shut and peeked out of the other as I slowly scrolled to the bottom of the screen. Free two-day shipping with Amazon Prime. Yes, I could have the wig on Saturday. What?! Yes?!

Amazing Thing 6

Everyone showed up at the appointed time on Superbowl Sunday. We shot amazing scenes, and everyone played their roles magnificently. I have no idea what will come from the Losing Control book trailer, but since every thing leading up to this point has been an amazing surprise, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed by what comes next. Yes!

I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m an author. It really struck me when I attended my first book club discussion group for my novel, Losing Control, with a group of ladies I’d never met before.

I was scared to go alone, so I asked my book marketer, Raven, to go with me. Neither one of us knew what to expect, so we did the only professional thing we knew to do. We brought a snack to share, and we arrived on time. We were the first ones there and the hostess, Sheres, offered me a glass of wine, which I happily accepted. I sat down at the kitchen island to chat with the only other guest there, Pam, and soon I remembered why I love being a part of book clubs – wine, food, and carefree conversation. Eventually, others began showing up, and an hour later we were ready to get started with the whole point of why we were there.

About sixteen women gathered on couches, love seats, and folding chairs with glasses of wine and plates of food. One woman called in on Facetime, and she was propped up facing me on a cellphone stand on the living room table. The nervous jitters returned when Sheres said they would start with a rating of the book from 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. I told myself I would smile no matter what they said. There was no turning back now, anyway.

The first two women gave me a 7 because they said they were frustrated with the ending. I giggled to myself, because the whole point of the ending was to shock the reader and leave them with questions. In the end, I received mostly 8s and one 10. I was happy with the ratings of my first novel, and I stopped holding my breath (which I didn’t realize I was holding until I couldn’t breathe). I wondered if all authors went through this – this weird feeling of being naked and nervously holding your breath while strangers critiqued your nude body parts.

Anyone who is a part of a book club knows that there are always a few people who don’t read the book, and this was no exception. About five guests hadn’t read my book, so the ones who did gave a blow-by-blow (no pun intended) account of the novel. I turned to Raven and whispered, “Oh my God, we’ll be here for hours if they break down the entire book!” And sure enough, we spent more than an hour with different people detailing each chapter of the book.

I can’t explain the out-of-body experience I had listening to women talk about my characters and plot lines as though they were real. It was fascinating and surreal. At one point, two women started to argue about what “they” meant when “they” wrote this. The argument heated up, and finally someone pointed to me and said, “The author’s right there! Just ask her.” Oh yeah, I’m “they.” I’m the author!

There were a few times when I had to defend why I had a character do what he or she did. And another time when I had to clarify what was hinted at but not in-your-face clear. One of the highlights of the night was when the ladies began a debate about whether the various Losing Control scenarios could or do happen in real life. The side discussions were PRICELESS! My favorite question of the night was – #TeamRey or #TeamJonathan?

Four-and-a-half hours later, it was over. I signed a few books, took a group picture, and hugged my new girlfriends goodbye. Raven and I had made it through the first of many Losing Control book club parties. Since then, I’ve done a reading of the shower scene from chapter one (a hilarious situation for another blog), book signings, and a variety of book club discussions, including a coed group. They’re all unique and special experiences, but I’ll never forget my first.

“What do you do?” a man asks me as we both wait to get a drink at a networking event. I stand there, hesitating. I don’t know how to answer his question. In fact, I’m frustrated that I have to find a succinct, five-words-or-less answer to his generic query.

I sigh, take a breath, and finally muster up the strength to say, “I own a corporate wellness company.” He fakes interest, I fake enthusiasm, and less than a minute later, we part ways. And, once again, I wonder why I even bother going to networking events. Such a frickin’ waste.

I am the owner of Aerobics, Yoga & More Fitness, a corporate wellness company. I am the producer of a line of fitness videos, Altheatized, that were internationally popular in the early 2000s. I am an outdoor enthusiast who leads at least two retreats a year to locations like Puerto Rico, the Grand Canyon, Cape Town South Africa and the Georgia Mountains. I am the author of the increasingly popular novel, Losing Control. I am a DJ and MC that is known for getting a party started and keeping it hype for hours. I am a voice over artist that has done the narration for infomercials, commercials and videos. I am an intuitive empath and spiritual healer who does chakra balancing, meditation and yoga with private clients. I am a certified fitness instructor and personal trainer who provides continuing education and certification training to budding instructors. I am a small business consultant to entrepreneurs just starting out.

Each and every one of these things brings me joy, is my passion and earns income. So how do I answer the question, “What do you do?”

Sometimes, I just don’t feel like answering the question at all, so I tell another truth. “I’m a stay-at-home mom.”

Well, I am. I’m home with my boys until they leave in the morning and home to talk with them when they get back. I’ve volunteered in their classes and been the field trip chaperone for fifteen years. I am the cool mom whose house is open to every teenager in the neighborhood any time of the day or night. I am the mom that takes everyone else’s kids with me on my summer road trip to Miami, Orlando, Chicago, Baltimore, New York or wherever I feel like driving for a week in the summer with a vanload of boys. I’ve done a summer road trip with my kids and at least one other child every year since 2000 when my older son was two. Young people bring me joy. They make me laugh. I like being around them. So, yeah, I’m a stay-at-home mom… with a few side hustles.

I’ve given myself a moniker – The Renaissance Woman. The dictionary definition of a renaissance man or woman is a person who is well educated and sophisticated. He or she has a talent and knowledge in many different fields of study. I think that fits who I am.

So now my answer to the question, “What do you do?” is…

“I’m the Renaissance Woman.”

So many people have asked me what the process was for writing and publishing a book. I believe the journey is different for every author. Mine was unique in that I wasn’t writing my novel for the purpose of publishing – I was writing as a means of virtual escape from my everyday reality. And when it was finished, I was amazed.

After a few of my friends read the initial story and said it was good, I tried shopping the raw version to literary agents specializing in African American fiction. I received rejection letters from each and every one. Looking back, those rejection letters were exactly what I needed to publish my book – the right way.

1. Just do it. Writing I mean. You can have a wonderful, fantastic concept in your mind, but if it never makes it to paper, computer, voice taping (or whatever format you choose to get it out of your head), it can never be published. So step one is to simply and bravely let it out and get it out.

2. Discuss the concepts. Not with just anyone and everyone. For me, my brother and two of my girlfriends who were also stay-at-home moms were great sounding boards. My brother is a very creative guy who was also writing short romance stories while I was writing Losing Control. It was great to toss around characters and story lines with him. And one of my stay-at-home mom friends was the one who told me not to reveal an important fact from the storyline until the end. She was absolutely right! It added to the page-turning denouement.

3. Put it away. I know this sounds crazy, but it’s true. A writer becomes close – maybe too close – to his/her characters and storyline. It’s hard to see what’s missing or what needs to be edited out when you’re married to the story. Putting your book away for awhile and forgetting about it allows your brain to see it with fresh eyes when you move to step #4.

4. Get Professional Copyediting. After I picked up my book after a couple of years, typos and missing words jumped off the pages at me. I spent the money to hire a professional copyeditor who went through each page with a fine tooth comb, looking for errors in grammar, punctuality, sentence structure and more. She made several recommendations on chapter revisions and book layout. I was patient while this process took place over the course of several weeks.

5. Rewrite it! When I read my novel for the first time after the copyedit, I was able to read it like someone who hadn’t seen it before. It was easy to delete whole chapters, remove unnecessary characters, further develop the main characters, and expand on underlying themes.I edited down the repetitive descriptors and stuck to what was interesting and imperative in the storyline. In the end, I probably rewrote Losing Control about five times or more. But it was worth it – my novel looks, feels and reads like a book published by a publishing house. That should be the goal of every self-publishing author.