It’s amazing how many people – both women AND men – have difficulty saying wonderful and positive things about themselves. But we’re quick to say something negative… about our bodies, our challenges with life, or the way we think and act.We don’t start out this way, though. When we’re kids, we KNOW we’re great singers, as we dance around singing at the top of our lungs, regardless of how it may sound to the adults around us. Back then, we imagined we were kings and queens, standing tall with our little chests poking out. I still remember my little brother tying a towel around his neck, pretending to be a superhero, as he smashed through the screen in the porch door (lol – that was hilarious!). It was wonderful to feel wonderful when we were little!
But as we grow up, some of the negative things we hear about ourselves from family members, or that we’re taught through our religious affiliations, or what we learn in school from other children affects how we feel about our bodies, sexuality, and life choices. What we watch on television, in the movies, and read in magazines subliminally adds to the self-sabotage, because we may not see ourselves as beautiful, smart, or strong as the people depicted.
Depending on our culture, we may even be taught that being confident and saying positive things about ourselves is bad – not humble enough, it’s bragging on yourself, or showing off. For some of us, being appropriately humble means not tooting your own horn or dimming your light.By the time we’re adults and living on our own, we don’t have to hear negative messages from people outside of us… we hear it inside our head, in our own voice. “I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good with numbers and finance. I’m not as strong as you are. I don’t have a degree for that, so I can’t do it. I don’t communicate well. I hate my belly/breasts/butt/legs/face/hair/feet/thighs/knees/hands…” The list goes on and on and on.Now, it’s time to change these negative thoughts, self-talk, and the unpleasant vibrations that go with them. Here’s how to start:
- Pay attention. Start by recognizing any self-sabotaging words or thoughts going on in your head throughout the day. Ask yourself where the thoughts and words came from. Why do I feel and think the way I do? Is it really right to think and feel this way?
- Start small. One thing at a time. Choose ONE negative thought or phrase and find a positive spin for it. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good with money.” Try saying, “I’m getting better with saving money every month.” Catch yourself every time you’re about to say the negative phrase, and replace it with the positive version. This may sound simple, but it makes a big difference when it’s repeated AND your actions match your words.
- Find things you do well and start to share it with others in a confident and courageous way. There’s a difference between arrogance and confidence. Find the balance and allow yourself to shine. It might feel funny or awkward at first, but keep trying until you find the perfect way to convey your message, gifts, talents, and strength.
- Surround yourself with other confident, happy people. They have enough light of their own to allow yours to shine bright, too. In fact, they’ll be your biggest cheerleaders and promoters – even when you’re still a little scared to promote yourself.
- Spend some time alone getting to know and like yourself. Take a trip for a day or two by yourself. Eat what you want, watch what you want at the movies or on television, listen to your favorite songs and sing along – loudly, dance by yourself. Be your own best friend for a couple of days.
I love myself and I hope you do too! Peace and light…
